tell me

how to live a life?

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about my life and life in general. we tend to just follow whatever norms society has placed on us without question. we just coast along and we’re content. we’re spoonfed by people who have been spoonfed by people who have been spoonfed by people and so on and so forth. nobody questions these norms.

questions.

in relation to my own life i pretty much know what i want to do. i asked that question a couple of years ago and now i’m trying to keep up with my answers. alhamdulillah there’s been some good progress this month. my song got picked up for a TV3 drama and tomorrow i’ll be signing my management contract. and hopefully i’ll get to start on my 2nd single soon.

the question to this was, “what do you want to spend your life doing?” and “what makes you happy?”. this is probably the most important question in terms of a career and a life worth living. a lot of people will grow old never knowing what they want and others who know might not be able to get the chance to do it. maybe the most important thing is to do the best we can.

questions.

as i try to make sense of my role in this world, i also try to make sense of religion. recently i’ve been reading up on a number of things. questions in religion are usually frowned upon. apart from my naturally inquisitive mind, my soul cannot find any enlightenment without questions. 

i’ve come to question certain core aspects that have been pounded into my head when i attended religious classes in my youth and also what society has blindly accepted as ‘faith’. 

Fear. i do not believe in fearing God. a religion driven by fear is removed of all its beauty. we are often reminded of all sorts of punishments in hell should we sin. that sounds a lot like a dictatorship. surely God is not a dictator. how can the world be filled with so much beauty if He were? i believe in loving God. i believe that God loves us. if anything, my only fear is to forget who i am. which means that i would forget God. my fear is to have the hijab over my eyes, blinding me of His love. which means my soul is lost.

Reward. i do not believe in the rewards in heaven. we are often reminded of all the quantifiable pahala for all the good deeds we do, for a good afterlife. if we are doing good deeds in seek of reward, then we are just being selfish and not truly religious. should we not want to do good deeds because it is simply the right thing to do? because we WANT to be good people? chasing pahala for the sake of reward is greed. and greed will not bring you closer to Him.

Death. i have been thinking a lot about this one. a huge part of religion is to make sense of death. to prepare you for death. if i already sort of disagree with the concepts of reward and punishment, then what are heaven and hell to me? and in asking so, what is death? i have no answer for this…. yet. so instead i asked myself, what is life? 

life is often taken for granted. when i think about how death can come for me at any moment, i get afraid. not of the afterlife. i get afraid of taking things for granted. i get afraid of taking the ones i love for granted. was i happy? did i make a difference in the lives of others? did i always let my family know how much i love them? what would people remember me for? and at the time you’re about to pass, we’d have to let go of dunia to submit to God. for Islam means ‘submisson’. so we need to realise what we hold dear, and in the end learn to let go of all of them.

so right now, the only way i make sense of death… is to never take life for granted.  it is His ultimate gift. i was raised in a house where we were never allowed to say “mampos’ or “die la”. it may seem trivial but it is a form of respect. we were also never allowed to say “hate” or “benci”. there is no hate in His Heart. only Love. 

there are other things that i wish you knew. and then you could see how beautiful religion and life are to me. i see God in everything around us. i see God in every soul i meet. i hear God in every note of music. i even see God in every scientific miracle. how can you not? for everything comes from Him.

some of the things i’ve been reading really puts my whole upbringing into perspective. which is why i can’t marry a non-muslim. i can only raise my kids through religion. it is my whole being. 

questions.

when will i get married? 

i would like to start loving my wife and prepare to love my kid(s). although the answer is not just the stirring in my soul but in reality also financial stability. which i have zero at the moment. 

so getting married can wait.

i would love to meet my future-wife soon though.

questions?

i walked out to the shore alone and basked in His splendor. i prayed and repeated His Name and felt at peace.

- adil

there exists certain points in your life that you will always remember. i had one of those last night.

i grew up listening to songs by Dato M. Nasir. the man is a living legend. i remember i played his song once during a hari raya concert in school. he is a genius songwriter who really changed the landscape in the malaysian music industry. 

and then there’s me. wide-eyed, slightly awkward and sometimes doubting my talent. i dropped by luncai emas studios last night mostly cos my friend wanted to go there. i accompanied him. we got there and it just so happened that the Dato was in. i had brought a copy of my single for him. 

he was in the middle of recording a song and my friend who works at luncai had to see if the Dato was ok with me sitting in for the session. Green Light. i was nervous as shit. i was now in the same room with arguably the most respected songwriter in malaysia. he asked me a couple of questions and then listened to my cd. 

after talking about it for a bit, i asked if i could play him a couple of my other songs. he said ok. i’m like, “shit i’m gonna play my songs for M Nasir with his guitar and at his studio.” and so i did it without any major hiccups. i was struggling a bit with my falsetto cos i was nervous and short of breath. 

so i had laid my cards to the game master. all my essence as a singer and songwriter was on the line as he gave me his feedback. as for what was exactly said, it shall remain more of a personal moment for me. let’s just say that while i didn’t earn any sort of high praise, he didn’t shoot me down (like he is known to do) and i believe he saw that i was real and he believed what i was singing. 

there. all my knowledge and skills were submitted to the ultimate examiner.

and i believe i passed. 

i will always remember the night i played for M Nasir.

- adil

i just got back from shooting Xpresi Kembara in Kuching, Sarawak. spent 6 days there doing rock climbing, kayaking, mountain biking and some sight-seeing. it was quite physical but thankfully i didn’t fall sick after that. i do however, have a couple of bad rash spots on my body. my grass allergy since young has built up my itchiness tolerance. cos i know that it feels good to give it a good scratch but it is not worth the physical hell after that. i’d rather not scratch and let the rash live out its annoying lifespan. 

when i was younger, i’d go on camps often and i think i developed a fondness for the outdoors and physical activities. i didn’t do much of these things anymore when i turned 18, excluding my national service. 

so to do the things i did on the trip really brought me back to my teenage years. the kayaking was particularly very memorable. we kayaked along the Sungei Sarawak Kiri and stopped at a Bidayu village for lunch, where were cooked an authentic Bidayu meal. all the food was cooked with lemang including the rice and meat. it was oil and preservative-free!! and it was delicious. to give us the complete experience, the villagers cooked the meal in their traditional dress. 

so 3 main things came together for me on this trip which i’m very thankful for. firstly of course is travelling. i love travelling. i love experiencing new places, cultures and people. i love seeing the many wonders God has bestowed upon this world. second is the physical activities which remind me of my teenage years. i still love it and thankfully, i can still handle it. i was going everywhere and doing everything and my body did not cave. third is what it symbolizes in my music career progression. only 2 other singaporean artistes have been on the show; Aliff Aziz and Awi Rafael. to be on the show is a huge opportunity and indicator. 

there were times when i thought about travelling with a production crew and doing the hosting bits and myself as the guest artiste… and i thought it was surreal. i thought…. wow… i’m really doing this…

and of course, the travelling is only as good as the company. and i had lovely company. the crew and travel guides were a fun bunch!

urrghh i’m sleepy. time to sleep. 

- adil

since i moved up here, my friends back home have always said to me, “you’ve got balls. i could never do what you did.” i never thought much of it. 

until now.

i don’t know why but when i think of it now, it was quite a crazy move. i was ok with living away and starting a new life. but to drop everything and move to KL and say, “i want to breakthrough to the malaysian music industry”… that was nuts.

it’s not easy. it’s really not.

i still haven’t succeeded by the way. though i hope i’m on my way. 

if a musician wanted to do the same thing i did, i’d say don’t. there’s too many variables. they shouldn’t move here until they get regular rotation on radio. it would be better if you came up and down over time.

BUT.

you can only get to know a culture and industry if you live and breathe it. and i’m so much more in-touch with my songwriting than ever before. because i’m constantly inspired by my environment.

so it’s a double-edged sword.

if you asked me if it’s ok to follow in my footsteps, i’d say no.

if you asked me if i have any regrets, i’d say HELL NO.

i’ve grown so much in my time here and i’ve never felt more alive with my music.

- adil